No More Learning

MALONE. Your what?

VIOLET. The driver of our automobile. He can drive a motor car at
seventy miles an hour, and mend it when it breaks down. We are dependent
on our motor cars; and our motor cars are dependent on him; so of course
we are dependent on him.

MALONE. I've noticed, madam, that every thousand dollars an Englishman
gets seems to add one to the number of people he's dependent on.
However, you needn't apologize for your man: I made him talk on purpose.
By doing so I learnt that you're staying here in Grannida with a party
of English, including my son Hector.

VIOLET. [conversationally] Yes. We intended to go to Nice; but we had to
follow a rather eccentric member of our party who started first and came
here. Won't you sit down? [She clears the nearest chair of the two books
on it].

MALONE. [impressed by this attention] Thank you. [He sits down,
examining her curiously as she goes to the iron table to put down the
books. When she turns to him again, he says] Miss Robinson, I believe?

VIOLET. [sitting down] Yes.

MALONE. [Taking a letter from his pocket] Your note to Hector runs as
follows [Violet is unable to repress a start. He pauses quietly to take
out and put on his spectacles, which have gold rims]: "Dearest: they
have all gone to the Alhambra for the afternoon. I have shammed headache
and have the garden all to myself. Jump into Jack's motor: Straker will
rattle you here in a jiffy. Quick, quick, quick. Your loving Violet. "
[He looks at her; but by this time she has recovered herself, and meets
his spectacles with perfect composure. He continues slowly] Now I don't
know on what terms young people associate in English society; but in
America that note would be considered to imply a very considerable
degree of affectionate intimacy between the parties.

VIOLET. Yes: I know your son very well, Mr Malone. Have you any
objection?

MALONE. [somewhat taken aback] No, no objection exactly. Provided it is
understood that my son is altogether dependent on me, and that I have to
be consulted in any important step he may propose to take.

VIOLET. I am sure you would not be unreasonable with him, Mr Malone.

MALONE. I hope not, Miss Robinson; but at your age you might think many
things unreasonable that don't seem so to me.

VIOLET. [with a little shrug] Oh well, I suppose there's no use our
playing at cross purposes, Mr Malone. Hector wants to marry me.

MALONE. I inferred from your note that he might. Well, Miss Robinson,
he is his own master; but if he marries you he shall not have a rap from
me. [He takes off his spectacles and pockets them with the note].

VIOLET. [with some severity] That is not very complimentary to me, Mr
Malone.

MALONE. I say nothing against you, Miss Robinson: I daresay you are an
amiable and excellent young lady. But I have other views for Hector.

VIOLET. Hector may not have other views for himself, Mr Malone.

MALONE. Possibly not. Then he does without me: that's all. I daresay you
are prepared for that. When a young lady writes to a young man to
come to her quick, quick, quick, money seems nothing and love seems
everything.

VIOLET. [sharply] I beg your pardon, Mr Malone: I do not think anything
so foolish. Hector must have money.

MALONE. [staggered] Oh, very well, very well. No doubt he can work for
it.

VIOLET. What is the use of having money if you have to work for it? [She
rises impatiently]. It's all nonsense, Mr Malone: you must enable your
son to keep up his position. It is his right.

MALONE. [grimly] I should not advise you to marry him on the strength of
that right, Miss Robinson.

Violet, who has almost lost her temper, controls herself with an effort;
unclenches her fingers; and resumes her seat with studied tranquillity
and reasonableness.

VIOLET. What objection have you to me, pray? My social position is as
good as Hector's, to say the least. He admits it.

MALONE. [shrewdly] You tell him so from time to time, eh? Hector's
social position in England, Miss Robinson, is just what I choose to
buy for him. I have made him a fair offer. Let him pick out the most
historic house, castle or abbey that England contains. The day that he
tells me he wants it for a wife worthy of its traditions, I buy it for
him, and give him the means of keeping it up.

VIOLET. What do you mean by a wife worthy of its traditions? Cannot any
well bred woman keep such a house for him?

MALONE. No: she must be born to it.

VIOLET. Hector was not born to it, was he?

MALONE. His granmother was a barefooted Irish girl that nursed me by a
turf fire. Let him marry another such, and I will not stint her marriage
portion. Let him raise himself socially with my money or raise somebody
else so long as there is a social profit somewhere, I'll regard my
expenditure as justified. But there must be a profit for someone. A
marriage with you would leave things just where they are.

VIOLET. Many of my relations would object very much to my marrying the
grandson of a common woman, Mr Malone. That may be prejudice; but so is
your desire to have him marry a title prejudice.

MALONE. [rising, and approaching her with a scrutiny in which there is
a good deal of reluctant respect] You seem a pretty straightforward
downright sort of a young woman.

VIOLET. I do not see why I should be made miserably poor because I
cannot make profits for you. Why do you want to make Hector unhappy?

MALONE. He will get over it all right enough. Men thrive better on
disappointments in love than on disappointments in money. I daresay you
think that sordid; but I know what I'm talking about. My father died of
starvation in Ireland in the black 47, Maybe you've heard of it.

VIOLET. The Famine?

MALONE. [with smouldering passion] No, the starvation. When a country
is full of food, and exporting it, there can be no famine. My father
was starved dead; and I was starved out to America in my mother's
arms. English rule drove me and mine out of Ireland. Well, you can keep
Ireland. I and my like are coming back to buy England; and we'll buy the
best of it. I want no middle class properties and no middle class women
for Hector. That's straightforward isn't it, like yourself?

VIOLET. [icily pitying his sentimentality] Really, Mr Malone, I am
astonished to hear a man of your age and good sense talking in that
romantic way. Do you suppose English noblemen will sell their places to
you for the asking?

MALONE. I have the refusal of two of the oldest family mansions in
England. One historic owner can't afford to keep all the rooms dusted:
the other can't afford the death duties. What do you say now?

VIOLET. Of course it is very scandalous; but surely you know that the
Government will sooner or later put a stop to all these Socialistic
attacks on property.

MALONE. [grinning] D'y' think they'll be able to get that done before I
buy the house--or rather the abbey? They're both abbeys.

VIOLET. [putting that aside rather impatiently] Oh, well, let us talk
sense, Mr Malone. You must feel that we haven't been talking sense so
far.

MALONE. I can't say I do. I mean all I say.

VIOLET. Then you don't know Hector as I do. He is romantic and faddy--he
gets it from you, I fancy--and he wants a certain sort of wife to take
care of him. Not a faddy sort of person, you know.

MALONE. Somebody like you, perhaps?

VIOLET. [quietly] Well, yes. But you cannot very well ask me to
undertake this with absolutely no means of keeping up his position.

MALONE. [alarmed] Stop a bit, stop a bit. Where are we getting to? I'm
not aware that I'm asking you to undertake anything.

VIOLET. Of course, Mr Malone, you can make it very difficult for me to
speak to you if you choose to misunderstand me.

MALONE. [half bewildered] I don't wish to take any unfair advantage; but
we seem to have got off the straight track somehow.

Straker, with the air of a man who has been making haste, opens the
little gate, and admits Hector, who, snorting with indignation, comes
upon the lawn, and is making for his father when Violet, greatly
dismayed, springs up and intercepts him. Straker doer not wait; at least
he does not remain visibly within earshot.

VIOLET. Oh, how unlucky! Now please, Hector, say nothing. Go away until
I have finished speaking to your father.

HECTOR. [inexorably] No, Violet: I mean to have this thing out, right
away. [He puts her aside; passes her by; and faces his father, whose
cheeks darken as his Irish blood begins to simmer]. Dad: you've not
played this hand straight.

MALONE. Hwat d'y'mean?

HECTOR. You've opened a letter addressed to me. You've impersonated me
and stolen a march on this lady. That's dishonorable.

MALONE. [threateningly] Now you take care what you're saying, Hector.
Take care, I tell you.

HECTOR. I have taken care. I am taking care. I'm taking care of my honor
and my position in English society.

MALONE. [hotly] Your position has been got by my money: do you know
that?

HECTOR. Well, you've just spoiled it all by opening that letter. A
letter from an English lady, not addressed to you--a confidential
letter! a delicate letter! a private letter opened by my father! That's
a sort of thing a man can't struggle against in England. The sooner
we go back together the better. [He appeals mutely to the heavens to
witness the shame and anguish of two outcasts].

VIOLET. [snubbing him with an instinctive dislike for scene making]
Don't be unreasonable, Hector. It was quite natural of Mr Malone to open
my letter: his name was on the envelope.

MALONE. There! You've no common sense, Hector. I thank you, Miss
Robinson.

HECTOR. I thank you, too. It's very kind of you. My father knows no
better.

MALONE.
[furiously clenching his fists] Hector--

HECTOR. [with undaunted moral force] Oh, it's no use hectoring me. A
private letter's a private letter, dad: you can't get over that.

MALONE [raising his voice] I won't be talked back to by you, d'y' hear?

VIOLET. Ssh! please, please. Here they all come.

Father and son, checked, glare mutely at one another as Tanner comes in
through the little gate with Ramsden, followed by Octavius and Ann.

VIOLET. Back already!

TANNER. The Alhambra is not open this afternoon.

VIOLET. What a sell!

Tanner passes on, and presently finds himself between Hector and a
strange elder, both apparently on the verge of personal combat. He looks
from one to the other for an explanation. They sulkily avoid his eye,
and nurse their wrath in silence.

RAMSDEN. Is it wise for you to be out in the sunshine with such a
headache, Violet?

TANNER. Have you recovered too, Malone?

VIOLET. Oh, I forgot. We have not all met before. Mr Malone: won't you
introduce your father?

HECTOR. [with Roman firmness] No, I will not. He is no father of mine.

MALONE. [very angry] You disown your dad before your English friends, do
you?

VIOLET. Oh please don't make a scene.

Ann and Octavius, lingering near the gate, exchange an astonished
glance, and discreetly withdraw up the steps to the garden, where they
can enjoy the disturbance without intruding. On their way to the steps
Ann sends a little grimace of mute sympathy to Violet, who is standing
with her back to the little table, looking on in helpless annoyance as
her husband soars to higher and higher moral eminences without the least
regard to the old man's millions.

HECTOR. I'm very sorry, Miss Robinson; but I'm contending for a
principle. I am a son, and, I hope, a dutiful one; but before everything
I'm a Man! ! ! And when dad treats my private letters as his own, and
takes it on himself to say that I shan't marry you if I am happy and
fortunate enough to gain your consent, then I just snap my fingers and
go my own way.

TANNER. Marry Violet!

RAMSDEN. Are you in your senses?

TANNER. Do you forget what we told you?

HECTOR. [recklessly] I don't care what you told me.

RAMSDEN. [scandalized] Tut tut, sir! Monstrous! [he flings away towards
the gate, his elbows quivering with indignation]

TANNER. Another madman! These men in love should be locked up. [He gives
Hector up as hopeless, and turns away towards the garden, but Malone,
taking offence in a new direction, follows him and compels him, by the
aggressivenes of his tone, to stop].

MALONE. I don't understand this. Is Hector not good enough for this
lady, pray?

TANNER. My dear sir, the lady is married already. Hector knows it; and
yet he persists in his infatuation. Take him home and lock him up.

MALONE. [bitterly] So this is the high-born social tone I've spoilt by
my ignorant, uncultivated behavior! Makin love to a married woman! [He
comes angrily between Hector and Violet, and almost bawls into Hector's
left ear] You've picked up that habit of the British aristocracy, have
you?

HECTOR. That's all right. Don't you trouble yourself about that. I'll
answer for the morality of what I'm doing.

TANNER. [coming forward to Hector's right hand with flashing eyes] Well
said, Malone! You also see that mere marriage laws are not morality! I
agree with you; but unfortunately Violet does not.

MALONE. I take leave to doubt that, sir. [Turning on Violet] Let me tell
you, Mrs Robinson, or whatever your right name is, you had no right to
send that letter to my son when you were the wife of another man.

HECTOR. [outraged] This is the last straw. Dad: you have insulted my
wife.

MALONE. YOUR wife!

TANNER. YOU the missing husband! Another moral impostor! [He smites his
brow, and collapses into Malone's chair].

MALONE. You've married without my consent!

RAMSDEN. You have deliberately humbugged us, sir!

HECTOR. Here: I have had just about enough of being badgered. Violet and
I are married: that's the long and the short of it. Now what have you
got to say--any of you?

MALONE. I know what I've got to say. She's married a beggar.

HECTOR. No; she's married a Worker [his American pronunciation imparts
an overwhelming intensity to this simple and unpopular word]. I start to
earn my own living this very afternoon.

MALONE. [sneering angrily] Yes: you're very plucky now, because you got
your remittance from me yesterday or this morning, I reckon. Wait til
it's spent. You won't be so full of cheek then.

HECTOR. [producing a letter from his pocketbook] Here it is [thrusting
it on his father]. Now you just take your remittance and yourself out of
my life. I'm done with remittances; and I'm done with you. I don't sell
the privilege of insulting my wife for a thousand dollars.

MALONE. [deeply wounded and full of concern] Hector: you don't know what
poverty is.

HECTOR. [fervidly] Well, I want to know what it is. I want'be a Man.
Violet: you come along with me, to your own home: I'll see you through.

OCTAVIUS. [jumping down from the garden to the lawn and running to
Hector's left hand] I hope you'll shake hands with me before you go,
Hector. I admire and respect you more than I can say. [He is affected
almost to tears as they shake hands].

VIOLET. [also almost in tears, but of vexation] Oh don't be an idiot,
Tavy. Hector's about as fit to become a workman as you are.

TANNER. [rising from his chair on the other ride of Hector] Never fear:
there's no question of his becoming a navvy, Mrs Malone. [To Hector]
There's really no difficulty about capital to start with. Treat me as a
friend: draw on me.

OCTAVIUS. [impulsively] Or on me.

MALONE. [with fierce jealousy] Who wants your dirty money? Who should he
draw on but his own father? [Tanner and Octavius recoil, Octavius rather
hurt, Tanner consoled by the solution of the money difficulty. Violet
looks up hopefully]. Hector: don't be rash, my boy. I'm sorry for what I
said: I never meant to insult Violet: I take it all back. She's just the
wife you want: there!

HECTOR. [Patting him on the shoulder] Well, that's all right, dad. Say
no more: we're friends again. Only, I take no money from anybody.

MALONE. [pleading abjectly] Don't be hard on me, Hector. I'd rather you
quarrelled and took the money than made friends and starved. You don't
know what the world is: I do.

HECTOR. No, no, NO. That's fixed: that's not going to change. [He passes
his father inexorably by, and goes to Violet]. Come, Mrs Malone: you've
got to move to the hotel with me, and take your proper place before the
world.

VIOLET. But I must go in, dear, and tell Davis to pack. Won't you go on
and make them give you a room overlooking the garden for me? I'll join
you in half an hour.

HECTOR. Very well. You'll dine with us, Dad, won't you?

MALONE. [eager to conciliate him] Yes, yes.

HECTOR. See you all later. [He waves his hand to Ann, who has now been
joined by Tanner, Octavius, and Ramsden in the garden, and goes out
through the little gate, leaving his father and Violet together on the
lawn].

MALONE. You'll try to bring him to his senses, Violet: I know you will.

VIOLET. I had no idea he could be so headstrong. If he goes on like
that, what can I do?

MALONE. Don't be discurridged: domestic pressure may be slow; but it's
sure. You'll wear him down. Promise me you will.

VIOLET. I will do my best. Of course I think it's the greatest nonsense
deliberately making us poor like that.

MALONE. Of course it is.

VIOLET. [after a moment's reflection] You had better give me the
remittance. He will want it for his hotel bill. I'll see whether I can
induce him to accept it. Not now, of course, but presently.

MALONE. [eagerly] Yes, yes, yes: that's just the thing [he hands her the
thousand dollar bill, and adds cunningly] Y'understand that this is only
a bachelor allowance.

VIOLET. [Coolly] Oh, quite. [She takes it]. Thank you. By the way, Mr
Malone, those two houses you mentioned--the abbeys.

MALONE. Yes?

VIOLET. Don't take one of them until I've seen it. One never knows what
may be wrong with these places.

MALONE. I won't. I'll do nothing without consulting you, never fear.

VIOLET. [politely, but without a ray of gratitude] Thanks: that will
be much the best way. [She goes calmly back to the villa, escorted
obsequiously by Malone to the upper end of the garden].

TANNER. [drawing Ramsden's attention to Malone's cringing attitude as he
takes leave of Violet] And that poor devil is a billionaire!