No More Learning

Peggotty began, as he
raised his eyes to ours, 'to my lodging, wheer I have a long time been
expecting of her and preparing fur her. It was hours afore she knowed me
right; and when she did, she kneeled down at my feet, and kiender said
to me, as if it was her prayers, how it all come to be. You may believe
me, when I heerd her voice, as I had heerd at home so playful--and see
her humbled, as it might be in the dust our Saviour wrote in with his
blessed hand--I felt a wownd go to my 'art, in the midst of all its
thankfulness. '

He drew his sleeve across his face, without any pretence of concealing
why; and then cleared his voice.

'It warn't for long as I felt that; for she was found. I had on'y to
think as she was found, and it was gone. I doen't know why I do so much
as mention of it now, I'm sure. I didn't have it in my mind a minute
ago, to say a word about myself; but it come up so nat'ral, that I
yielded to it afore I was aweer. '

'You are a self-denying soul,' said my aunt, 'and will have your
reward. '

Mr. Peggotty, with the shadows of the leaves playing athwart his
face, made a surprised inclination of the head towards my aunt, as an
acknowledgement of her good opinion; then took up the thread he had
relinquished.

'When my Em'ly took flight,' he said, in stern wrath for the moment,
'from the house wheer she was made a prisoner by that theer spotted
snake as Mas'r Davy see,--and his story's trew, and may GOD confound
him! --she took flight in the night. It was a dark night, with a many
stars a-shining. She was wild. She ran along the sea beach, believing
the old boat was theer; and calling out to us to turn away our faces,
for she was a-coming by. She heerd herself a-crying out, like as if
it was another person; and cut herself on them sharp-pinted stones and
rocks, and felt it no more than if she had been rock herself. Ever so
fur she run, and there was fire afore her eyes, and roarings in her
ears. Of a sudden--or so she thowt, you unnerstand--the day broke, wet
and windy, and she was lying b'low a heap of stone upon the shore, and
a woman was a-speaking to her, saying, in the language of that country,
what was it as had gone so much amiss? '

He saw everything he related. It passed before him, as he spoke, so
vividly, that, in the intensity of his earnestness, he presented what
he described to me, with greater distinctness than I can express. I can
hardly believe, writing now long afterwards, but that I was actually
present in these scenes; they are impressed upon me with such an
astonishing air of fidelity.

'As Em'ly's eyes--which was heavy--see this woman better,' Mr. Peggotty
went on, 'she know'd as she was one of them as she had often talked to
on the beach. Fur, though she had run (as I have said) ever so fur in
the night, she had oftentimes wandered long ways, partly afoot, partly
in boats and carriages, and know'd all that country, 'long the coast,
miles and miles. She hadn't no children of her own, this woman, being
a young wife; but she was a-looking to have one afore long. And may
my prayers go up to Heaven that 'twill be a happiness to her, and a
comfort, and a honour, all her life! May it love her and be dootiful to
her, in her old age; helpful of her at the last; a Angel to her heer,
and heerafter! '

'Amen! ' said my aunt.

'She had been summat timorous and down,' said Mr. Peggotty, and had sat,
at first, a little way off, at her spinning, or such work as it was,
when Em'ly talked to the children. But Em'ly had took notice of her,
and had gone and spoke to her; and as the young woman was partial to
the children herself, they had soon made friends. Sermuchser, that when
Em'ly went that way, she always giv Em'ly flowers. This was her as
now asked what it was that had gone so much amiss. Em'ly told her,
and she--took her home. She did indeed. She took her home,' said Mr.
Peggotty, covering his face.

He was more affected by this act of kindness, than I had ever seen him
affected by anything since the night she went away. My aunt and I did
not attempt to disturb him.

'It was a little cottage, you may suppose,' he said, presently, 'but she
found space for Em'ly in it,--her husband was away at sea,--and she kep
it secret, and prevailed upon such neighbours as she had (they was not
many near) to keep it secret too. Em'ly was took bad with fever,
and, what is very strange to me is,--maybe 'tis not so strange to
scholars,--the language of that country went out of her head, and she
could only speak her own, that no one unnerstood. She recollects, as if
she had dreamed it, that she lay there always a-talking her own tongue,
always believing as the old boat was round the next pint in the bay, and
begging and imploring of 'em to send theer and tell how she was dying,
and bring back a message of forgiveness, if it was on'y a wured. A'most
the whole time, she thowt,--now, that him as I made mention on just now
was lurking for her unnerneath the winder; now that him as had brought
her to this was in the room,--and cried to the good young woman not to
give her up, and know'd, at the same time, that she couldn't unnerstand,
and dreaded that she must be took away. Likewise the fire was afore
her eyes, and the roarings in her ears; and theer was no today, nor
yesterday, nor yet tomorrow; but everything in her life as ever had
been, or as ever could be, and everything as never had been, and as
never could be, was a crowding on her all at once, and nothing clear nor
welcome, and yet she sang and laughed about it! How long this lasted, I
doen't know; but then theer come a sleep; and in that sleep, from being
a many times stronger than her own self, she fell into the weakness of
the littlest child. '

Here he stopped, as if for relief from the terrors of his own
description. After being silent for a few moments, he pursued his story.

'It was a pleasant arternoon when she awoke; and so quiet, that there
warn't a sound but the rippling of that blue sea without a tide, upon
the shore. It was her belief, at first, that she was at home upon a
Sunday morning; but the vine leaves as she see at the winder, and the
hills beyond, warn't home, and contradicted of her. Then, come in her
friend to watch alongside of her bed; and then she know'd as the old
boat warn't round that next pint in the bay no more, but was fur off;
and know'd where she was, and why; and broke out a-crying on that good
young woman's bosom, wheer I hope her baby is a-lying now, a-cheering of
her with its pretty eyes! '

He could not speak of this good friend of Emily's without a flow of
tears. It was in vain to try. He broke down again, endeavouring to bless
her!

'That done my Em'ly good,' he resumed, after such emotion as I could
not behold without sharing in; and as to my aunt, she wept with all her
heart; 'that done Em'ly good, and she begun to mend. But, the language
of that country was quite gone from her, and she was forced to make
signs. So she went on, getting better from day to day, slow, but sure,
and trying to learn the names of common things--names as she seemed
never to have heerd in all her life--till one evening come, when she
was a-setting at her window, looking at a little girl at play upon the
beach. And of a sudden this child held out her hand, and said, what
would be in English, "Fisherman's daughter, here's a shell! "--for you
are to unnerstand that they used at first to call her "Pretty lady", as
the general way in that country is, and that she had taught 'em to
call her "Fisherman's daughter" instead. The child says of a sudden,
"Fisherman's daughter, here's a shell! " Then Em'ly unnerstands her; and
she answers, bursting out a-crying; and it all comes back!

'When Em'ly got strong again,' said Mr. Peggotty, after another short
interval of silence, 'she cast about to leave that good young creetur,
and get to her own country. The husband was come home, then; and the two
together put her aboard a small trader bound to Leghorn, and from that
to France. She had a little money, but it was less than little as they
would take for all they done. I'm a'most glad on it, though they was
so poor! What they done, is laid up wheer neither moth or rust doth
corrupt, and wheer thieves do not break through nor steal. Mas'r Davy,
it'll outlast all the treasure in the wureld.

'Em'ly got to France, and took service to wait on travelling ladies at a
inn in the port. Theer, theer come, one day, that snake. --Let him never
come nigh me. I doen't know what hurt I might do him! --Soon as she see
him, without him seeing her, all her fear and wildness returned upon
her, and she fled afore the very breath he draw'd. She come to England,
and was set ashore at Dover.

'I doen't know,' said Mr. Peggotty, 'for sure, when her 'art begun to
fail her; but all the way to England she had thowt to come to her dear
home. Soon as she got to England she turned her face tow'rds it. But,
fear of not being forgiv, fear of being pinted at, fear of some of
us being dead along of her, fear of many things, turned her from it,
kiender by force, upon the road: "Uncle, uncle," she says to me, "the
fear of not being worthy to do what my torn and bleeding breast so
longed to do, was the most fright'ning fear of all! I turned back, when
my 'art was full of prayers that I might crawl to the old door-step, in
the night, kiss it, lay my wicked face upon it, and theer be found dead
in the morning. "

'She come,' said Mr. Peggotty, dropping his voice to an
awe-stricken whisper, 'to London. She--as had never seen it in her
life--alone--without a penny--young--so pretty--come to London. A'most
the moment as she lighted heer, all so desolate, she found (as she
believed) a friend; a decent woman as spoke to her about the needle-work
as she had been brought up to do, about finding plenty of it fur her,
about a lodging fur the night, and making secret inquiration concerning
of me and all at home, tomorrow. When my child,' he said aloud, and with
an energy of gratitude that shook him from head to foot, 'stood upon the
brink of more than I can say or think on--Martha, trew to her promise,
saved her. '

I could not repress a cry of joy.

'Mas'r Davy! ' said he, gripping my hand in that strong hand of his,
'it was you as first made mention of her to me. I thankee, sir! She was
arnest. She had know'd of her bitter knowledge wheer to watch and what
to do. She had done it. And the Lord was above all! She come, white and
hurried, upon Em'ly in her sleep. She says to her, "Rise up from worse
than death, and come with me! " Them belonging to the house would have
stopped her, but they might as soon have stopped the sea. "Stand away
from me," she says, "I am a ghost that calls her from beside her open
grave! " She told Em'ly she had seen me, and know'd I loved her, and
forgive her. She wrapped her, hasty, in her clothes. She took her, faint
and trembling, on her arm. She heeded no more what they said, than if
she had had no ears. She walked among 'em with my child, minding only
her; and brought her safe out, in the dead of the night, from that black
pit of ruin!

'She attended on Em'ly,' said Mr. Peggotty, who had released my hand,
and put his own hand on his heaving chest; 'she attended to my Em'ly,
lying wearied out, and wandering betwixt whiles, till late next day.
Then she went in search of me; then in search of you, Mas'r Davy. She
didn't tell Em'ly what she come out fur, lest her 'art should fail, and
she should think of hiding of herself. How the cruel lady know'd of
her being theer, I can't say. Whether him as I have spoke so much of,
chanced to see 'em going theer, or whether (which is most like, to my
thinking) he had heerd it from the woman, I doen't greatly ask myself.
My niece is found.

'All night long,' said Mr. Peggotty, 'we have been together, Em'ly
and me. 'Tis little (considering the time) as she has said, in wureds,
through them broken-hearted tears; 'tis less as I have seen of her dear
face, as grow'd into a woman's at my hearth. But, all night long, her
arms has been about my neck; and her head has laid heer; and we knows
full well, as we can put our trust in one another, ever more. '

He ceased to speak, and his hand upon the table rested there in perfect
repose, with a resolution in it that might have conquered lions.

'It was a gleam of light upon me, Trot,' said my aunt, drying her eyes,
'when I formed the resolution of being godmother to your sister Betsey
Trotwood, who disappointed me; but, next to that, hardly anything would
have given me greater pleasure, than to be godmother to that good young
creature's baby! '

Mr. Peggotty nodded his understanding of my aunt's feelings, but could
not trust himself with any verbal reference to the subject of her
commendation. We all remained silent, and occupied with our own
reflections (my aunt drying her eyes, and now sobbing convulsively, and
now laughing and calling herself a fool); until I spoke.

'You have quite made up your mind,' said I to Mr. Peggotty, 'as to the
future, good friend? I need scarcely ask you. '

'Quite, Mas'r Davy,' he returned; 'and told Em'ly. Theer's mighty
countries, fur from heer. Our future life lays over the sea. '

'They will emigrate together, aunt,' said I.

'Yes! ' said Mr. Peggotty, with a hopeful smile. 'No one can't reproach
my darling in Australia. We will begin a new life over theer! '

I asked him if he yet proposed to himself any time for going away.

'I was down at the Docks early this morning, sir,' he returned, 'to get
information concerning of them ships. In about six weeks or two
months from now, there'll be one sailing--I see her this morning--went
aboard--and we shall take our passage in her. '

'Quite alone? ' I asked.

'Aye, Mas'r Davy! ' he returned. 'My sister, you see, she's that fond
of you and yourn, and that accustomed to think on'y of her own country,
that it wouldn't be hardly fair to let her go. Besides which, theer's
one she has in charge, Mas'r Davy, as doen't ought to be forgot. '

'Poor Ham! ' said I.

'My good sister takes care of his house, you see, ma'am, and he takes
kindly to her,' Mr. Peggotty explained for my aunt's better information.
'He'll set and talk to her, with a calm spirit, wen it's like he
couldn't bring himself to open his lips to another. Poor fellow! ' said
Mr. Peggotty, shaking his head, 'theer's not so much left him, that he
could spare the little as he has! '

'And Mrs. Gummidge? ' said I.

'Well, I've had a mort of consideration, I do tell you,' returned Mr.
Peggotty, with a perplexed look which gradually cleared as he went
on, 'concerning of Missis Gummidge. You see, wen Missis Gummidge falls
a-thinking of the old 'un, she an't what you may call good company.
Betwixt you and me, Mas'r Davy--and you, ma'am--wen Mrs. Gummidge takes
to wimicking,'--our old country word for crying,--'she's liable to be
considered to be, by them as didn't know the old 'un, peevish-like. Now
I DID know the old 'un,' said Mr. Peggotty, 'and I know'd his merits,
so I unnerstan' her; but 'tan't entirely so, you see, with
others--nat'rally can't be! '

My aunt and I both acquiesced.

'Wheerby,' said Mr. Peggotty, 'my sister might--I doen't say she would,
but might--find Missis Gummidge give her a leetle trouble now-and-again.
Theerfur 'tan't my intentions to moor Missis Gummidge 'long with them,
but to find a Beein' fur her wheer she can fisherate for herself. '
(A Beein' signifies, in that dialect, a home, and to fisherate is to
provide. ) 'Fur which purpose,' said Mr. Peggotty, 'I means to make her
a 'lowance afore I go, as'll leave her pretty comfort'ble. She's the
faithfullest of creeturs. 'Tan't to be expected, of course, at her
time of life, and being lone and lorn, as the good old Mawther is to
be knocked about aboardship, and in the woods and wilds of a new and
fur-away country. So that's what I'm a-going to do with her. '

He forgot nobody. He thought of everybody's claims and strivings, but
his own.

'Em'ly,' he continued, 'will keep along with me--poor child, she's sore
in need of peace and rest! --until such time as we goes upon our voyage.
She'll work at them clothes, as must be made; and I hope her troubles
will begin to seem longer ago than they was, wen she finds herself once
more by her rough but loving uncle. '

My aunt nodded confirmation of this hope, and imparted great
satisfaction to Mr. Peggotty.

'Theer's one thing furder, Mas'r Davy,' said he, putting his hand in his
breast-pocket, and gravely taking out the little paper bundle I had
seen before, which he unrolled on the table. 'Theer's these here
banknotes--fifty pound, and ten. To them I wish to add the money as she
come away with. I've asked her about that (but not saying why), and have
added of it up. I an't a scholar. Would you be so kind as see how 'tis? '

He handed me, apologetically for his scholarship, a piece of paper, and
observed me while I looked it over. It was quite right.

'Thankee, sir,' he said, taking it back. 'This money, if you doen't
see objections, Mas'r Davy, I shall put up jest afore I go, in a cover
directed to him; and put that up in another, directed to his mother.
I shall tell her, in no more wureds than I speak to you, what it's the
price on; and that I'm gone, and past receiving of it back. '

I told him that I thought it would be right to do so--that I was
thoroughly convinced it would be, since he felt it to be right.

'I said that theer was on'y one thing furder,' he proceeded with a grave
smile, when he had made up his little bundle again, and put it in his
pocket; 'but theer was two. I warn't sure in my mind, wen I come out
this morning, as I could go and break to Ham, of my own self, what had
so thankfully happened. So I writ a letter while I was out, and put
it in the post-office, telling of 'em how all was as 'tis; and that I
should come down tomorrow to unload my mind of what little needs a-doing
of down theer, and, most-like, take my farewell leave of Yarmouth. '

'And do you wish me to go with you? ' said I, seeing that he left
something unsaid.

'If you could do me that kind favour, Mas'r Davy,' he replied. 'I know
the sight on you would cheer 'em up a bit. '

My little Dora being in good spirits, and very desirous that I should
go--as I found on talking it over with her--I readily pledged myself to
accompany him in accordance with his wish. Next morning, consequently,
we were on the Yarmouth coach, and again travelling over the old ground.

As we passed along the familiar street at night--Mr. Peggotty, in
despite of all my remonstrances, carrying my bag--I glanced into Omer
and Joram's shop, and saw my old friend Mr. Omer there, smoking his
pipe. I felt reluctant to be present, when Mr. Peggotty first met his
sister and Ham; and made Mr.
Omer my excuse for lingering behind.

'How is Mr. Omer, after this long time? ' said I, going in.

He fanned away the smoke of his pipe, that he might get a better view of
me, and soon recognized me with great delight.

'I should get up, sir, to acknowledge such an honour as this visit,'
said he, 'only my limbs are rather out of sorts, and I am wheeled about.
With the exception of my limbs and my breath, howsoever, I am as hearty
as a man can be, I'm thankful to say. '

I congratulated him on his contented looks and his good spirits, and
saw, now, that his easy-chair went on wheels.

'It's an ingenious thing, ain't it? ' he inquired, following the
direction of my glance, and polishing the elbow with his arm. 'It runs
as light as a feather, and tracks as true as a mail-coach. Bless you,
my little Minnie--my grand-daughter you know, Minnie's child--puts her
little strength against the back, gives it a shove, and away we go, as
clever and merry as ever you see anything! And I tell you what--it's a
most uncommon chair to smoke a pipe in. '

I never saw such a good old fellow to make the best of a thing, and
find out the enjoyment of it, as Mr. Omer. He was as radiant, as if
his chair, his asthma, and the failure of his limbs, were the various
branches of a great invention for enhancing the luxury of a pipe.

'I see more of the world, I can assure you,' said Mr. Omer, 'in this
chair, than ever I see out of it. You'd be surprised at the number of
people that looks in of a day to have a chat. You really would! There's
twice as much in the newspaper, since I've taken to this chair, as there
used to be. As to general reading, dear me, what a lot of it I do get
through! That's what I feel so strong, you know! If it had been my eyes,
what should I have done? If it had been my ears, what should I have
done? Being my limbs, what does it signify? Why, my limbs only made my
breath shorter when I used 'em. And now, if I want to go out into
the street or down to the sands, I've only got to call Dick, Joram's
youngest 'prentice, and away I go in my own carriage, like the Lord
Mayor of London. '

He half suffocated himself with laughing here.

'Lord bless you! ' said Mr. Omer, resuming his pipe, 'a man must take
the fat with the lean; that's what he must make up his mind to, in this
life. Joram does a fine business. Ex-cellent business! '

'I am very glad to hear it,' said I.

'I knew you would be,' said Mr. Omer. 'And Joram and Minnie are like
Valentines. What more can a man expect? What's his limbs to that! '

His supreme contempt for his own limbs, as he sat smoking, was one of
the pleasantest oddities I have ever encountered.

'And since I've took to general reading, you've took to general writing,
eh, sir? ' said Mr. Omer, surveying me admiringly. 'What a lovely work
that was of yours! What expressions in it! I read it every word--every
word. And as to feeling sleepy! Not at all! '

I laughingly expressed my satisfaction, but I must confess that I
thought this association of ideas significant.

'I give you my word and honour, sir,' said Mr. Omer, 'that when I lay
that book upon the table, and look at it outside; compact in three
separate and indiwidual wollumes--one, two, three; I am as proud as
Punch to think that I once had the honour of being connected with
your family. And dear me, it's a long time ago, now, ain't it? Over
at Blunderstone. With a pretty little party laid along with the other
party. And you quite a small party then, yourself. Dear, dear! '

I changed the subject by referring to Emily. After assuring him that I
did not forget how interested he had always been in her, and how
kindly he had always treated her, I gave him a general account of her
restoration to her uncle by the aid of Martha; which I knew would please
the old man. He listened with the utmost attention, and said, feelingly,
when I had done:

'I am rejoiced at it, sir! It's the best news I have heard for many
a day. Dear, dear, dear! And what's going to be undertook for that
unfortunate young woman, Martha, now? '

'You touch a point that my thoughts have been dwelling on since
yesterday,' said I, 'but on which I can give you no information yet, Mr.
Omer. Mr. Peggotty has not alluded to it, and I have a delicacy in
doing so. I am sure he has not forgotten it. He forgets nothing that is
disinterested and good. '

'Because you know,' said Mr. Omer, taking himself up, where he had left
off, 'whatever is done, I should wish to be a member of. Put me down for
anything you may consider right, and let me know. I never could think
the girl all bad, and I am glad to find she's not. So will my daughter
Minnie be. Young women are contradictory creatures in some things--her
mother was just the same as her--but their hearts are soft and kind.
It's all show with Minnie, about Martha. Why she should consider it
necessary to make any show, I don't undertake to tell you. But it's all
show, bless you. She'd do her any kindness in private. So, put me down
for whatever you may consider right, will you be so good? and drop me
a line where to forward it. Dear me! ' said Mr. Omer, 'when a man is
drawing on to a time of life, where the two ends of life meet; when he
finds himself, however hearty he is, being wheeled about for the second
time, in a speeches of go-cart; he should be over-rejoiced to do a
kindness if he can. He wants plenty. And I don't speak of myself,
particular,' said Mr. Omer, 'because, sir, the way I look at it is, that
we are all drawing on to the bottom of the hill, whatever age we are,
on account of time never standing still for a single moment. So let us
always do a kindness, and be over-rejoiced. To be sure! '

He knocked the ashes out of his pipe, and put it on a ledge in the back
of his chair, expressly made for its reception.

'There's Em'ly's cousin, him that she was to have been married to,' said
Mr. Omer, rubbing his hands feebly, 'as fine a fellow as there is in
Yarmouth! He'll come and talk or read to me, in the evening, for an hour
together sometimes. That's a kindness, I should call it! All his life's
a kindness. '

'I am going to see him now,' said I.

'Are you? ' said Mr. Omer. 'Tell him I was hearty, and sent my respects.
Minnie and Joram's at a ball. They would be as proud to see you as I
am, if they was at home. Minnie won't hardly go out at all, you see, "on
account of father", as she says. So I swore tonight, that if she didn't
go, I'd go to bed at six. In consequence of which,' Mr. Omer shook
himself and his chair with laughter at the success of his device, 'she
and Joram's at a ball. '

I shook hands with him, and wished him good night.

'Half a minute, sir,' said Mr. Omer. 'If you was to go without seeing
my little elephant, you'd lose the best of sights. You never see such
a sight! Minnie! ' A musical little voice answered, from somewhere
upstairs, 'I am coming, grandfather! ' and a pretty little girl with
long, flaxen, curling hair, soon came running into the shop.

'This is my little elephant, sir,' said Mr. Omer, fondling the child.
'Siamese breed, sir. Now, little elephant! '

The little elephant set the door of the parlour open, enabling me to see
that, in these latter days, it was converted into a bedroom for Mr.
Omer who could not be easily conveyed upstairs; and then hid her pretty
forehead, and tumbled her long hair, against the back of Mr. Omer's
chair.

'The elephant butts, you know, sir,' said Mr. Omer, winking, 'when he
goes at a object. Once, elephant. Twice. Three times! '

At this signal, the little elephant, with a dexterity that was next to
marvellous in so small an animal, whisked the chair round with Mr. Omer
in it, and rattled it off, pell-mell, into the parlour, without touching
the door-post: Mr. Omer indescribably enjoying the performance, and
looking back at me on the road as if it were the triumphant issue of his
life's exertions.

After a stroll about the town I went to Ham's house. Peggotty had now
removed here for good; and had let her own house to the successor of
Mr. Barkis in the carrying business, who had paid her very well for the
good-will, cart, and horse. I believe the very same slow horse that Mr.
Barkis drove was still at work.

I found them in the neat kitchen, accompanied by Mrs. Gummidge, who had
been fetched from the old boat by Mr. Peggotty himself. I doubt if
she could have been induced to desert her post, by anyone else. He
had evidently told them all. Both Peggotty and Mrs. Gummidge had their
aprons to their eyes, and Ham had just stepped out 'to take a turn on
the beach'. He presently came home, very glad to see me; and I hope they
were all the better for my being there. We spoke, with some approach to
cheerfulness, of Mr. Peggotty's growing rich in a new country, and of
the wonders he would describe in his letters. We said nothing of Emily
by name, but distantly referred to her more than once. Ham was the
serenest of the party.

But, Peggotty told me, when she lighted me to a little chamber where the
Crocodile book was lying ready for me on the table, that he always was
the same. She believed (she told me, crying) that he was broken-hearted;
though he was as full of courage as of sweetness, and worked harder and
better than any boat-builder in any yard in all that part. There were
times, she said, of an evening, when he talked of their old life in
the boat-house; and then he mentioned Emily as a child. But, he never
mentioned her as a woman.

I thought I had read in his face that he would like to speak to me
alone. I therefore resolved to put myself in his way next evening, as he
came home from his work. Having settled this with myself, I fell asleep.
That night, for the first time in all those many nights, the candle was
taken out of the window, Mr. Peggotty swung in his old hammock in the
old boat, and the wind murmured with the old sound round his head.

All next day, he was occupied in disposing of his fishing-boat and
tackle; in packing up, and sending to London by waggon, such of his
little domestic possessions as he thought would be useful to him; and in
parting with the rest, or bestowing them on Mrs. Gummidge. She was with
him all day. As I had a sorrowful wish to see the old place once more,
before it was locked up, I engaged to meet them there in the evening.
But I so arranged it, as that I should meet Ham first.

It was easy to come in his way, as I knew where he worked. I met him
at a retired part of the sands, which I knew he would cross, and turned
back with him, that he might have leisure to speak to me if he really
wished. I had not mistaken the expression of his face. We had walked but
a little way together, when he said, without looking at me:

'Mas'r Davy, have you seen her? '

'Only for a moment, when she was in a swoon,' I softly answered.

We walked a little farther, and he said:

'Mas'r Davy, shall you see her, d'ye think? '

'It would be too painful to her, perhaps,' said I.

'I have thowt of that,' he replied. 'So 'twould, sir, so 'twould. '

'But, Ham,' said I, gently, 'if there is anything that I could write
to her, for you, in case I could not tell it; if there is anything
you would wish to make known to her through me; I should consider it a
sacred trust. '

'I am sure on't. I thankee, sir, most kind! I think theer is something I
could wish said or wrote. '

'What is it? '

We walked a little farther in silence, and then he spoke.

''Tan't that I forgive her. 'Tan't that so much. 'Tis more as I beg of
her to forgive me, for having pressed my affections upon her. Odd times,
I think that if I hadn't had her promise fur to marry me, sir, she was
that trustful of me, in a friendly way, that she'd have told me what was
struggling in her mind, and would have counselled with me, and I might
have saved her. '

I pressed his hand. 'Is that all? ' 'Theer's yet a something else,' he
returned, 'if I can say it, Mas'r Davy. '

We walked on, farther than we had walked yet, before he spoke again. He
was not crying when he made the pauses I shall express by lines. He was
merely collecting himself to speak very plainly.

'I loved her--and I love the mem'ry of her--too deep--to be able to
lead her to believe of my own self as I'm a happy man. I could only be
happy--by forgetting of her--and I'm afeerd I couldn't hardly bear as
she should be told I done that. But if you, being so full of learning,
Mas'r Davy, could think of anything to say as might bring her to believe
I wasn't greatly hurt: still loving of her, and mourning for her:
anything as might bring her to believe as I was not tired of my life,
and yet was hoping fur to see her without blame, wheer the wicked cease
from troubling and the weary are at rest--anything as would ease her
sorrowful mind, and yet not make her think as I could ever marry, or as
'twas possible that anyone could ever be to me what she was--I should
ask of you to say that--with my prayers for her--that was so dear. '

I pressed his manly hand again, and told him I would charge myself to do
this as well as I could.

'I thankee, sir,' he answered. ''Twas kind of you to meet me. 'Twas kind
of you to bear him company down. Mas'r Davy, I unnerstan' very well,
though my aunt will come to Lon'on afore they sail, and they'll unite
once more, that I am not like to see him agen. I fare to feel sure on't.
We doen't say so, but so 'twill be, and better so. The last you see on
him--the very last--will you give him the lovingest duty and thanks of
the orphan, as he was ever more than a father to? '

This I also promised, faithfully.

'I thankee agen, sir,' he said, heartily shaking hands. 'I know wheer
you're a-going. Good-bye! '

With a slight wave of his hand, as though to explain to me that he could
not enter the old place, he turned away.