And seme of us don't
understand
ours.
Rehearsal - v1 - 1750
And the greater the lie the surer 'the truth of
They examine not what told them, but from whom comes* We cannot invent any thing they will not
believe. Nor the churchmen prove any thing by ten thousand- demonstrations, and facts as clear as tha fun, which they will believe. And the more they prove, you must believe the less. La ye," countryman, be sure
there's some trick in'r, when they come to proving.
C. " I'll ^varrant ye, master, they shall ne'er catch me
believing ot not believing, but as serves the cause.
O. Without this qualisication, no body can serve it^
Therefore, countryman, we go on, and still keep up the cry of the sire of London. No longer ago than last
week, we publiih'd book intitul'd, 'The Protestant Je- ' suiteUnmast/d, where, 43. we bring in the Lauditci
gun
and High-flyers, (with Englishisz. es, and Romish hearts) as concern'd in the popisk-plot: And add, might men
tion the fire London and that these taken on that Recount, were generally favour and dismiss without-
. being brought to Trial. This, with the inscription which • . oar dear Sir Patience Ward put upon the monument, in
'
d
of
a.
it,
p. ;
is
by
/ 'd,
a
?
'
it
it
it •
a
!
!
it, a
34
The REHEARSAL.
his mayoralty, in the time of the popish-plot ; and re- new'd in the mayoralty of our Right trusty Sir Thomas Pilkington, in the last reign, when we were trump, is a full and absolute proof.
C. Enough! enough! we have enough! it is' as plain as a pike-staff. It was the Laudites and High-church that £«r«/ London. And those who suffer'd for it were martyrs. And shall be put in red-letters, in Our next year's calendar of Partridge's Almanack, where w- colourd saints are inlisted, the martyrs of Legion.
O. When thou'rt in a coffee-house or so, fay; Did not the Dissenters and Whigs in London sufser as much by the jSw , in their proportion, as other ? And who can
think they wou'd . 'be so , mad as to bum their own
bouses ?
C. May. not the fame be faid of the church -men, and
the very papists, who suffer' d too in their proportion t 0-\ Thou'rt a very troublesome sellow. Never waa Bays so tormented. Thou spoil'st all my //d/i-. I'll talk
H9? more with thee, ifthou be asking questions.
But what proportion had the Papishes in London to us ?
There I have thee 'again.
C. But the church-men had a greater proportion, than
both of us put together. Therefore this will clear them more than us. Besides, a man's all is his all. And though it be less than another man's, yet it is as much to him. Wou'd a man set fire to his own house to bum his neighbours, tho' it were a higger house than his?
O. Am I bound to answer all thy silly questions? But the km/ of the papishes and high-flyers is such, that they would '. destroy themselves, to destroy others : any thing for old mother church. ,
C. And have. not we steal as well as, they? Wou'd not we do as much for our puss, as they for their church? . And have we not done it ? For de-throning and murder ing of kings, and silling nations with blood and destruc
tion ; we'll compare (for our time, and in our proportion) with Mahomet himself, or any popish and high-flier of '«m all.
3>id'nft
The REHEARSAL:
35
Did'nsl thou recommend zeal to me, as the chief en gine to curry on the cause ; and which wou'd prevail all the lew and reason on the church's side, and run
down? Such an implicit and blind zeal, as nei ther to believe, hear, nor y«, but as I'm iiV/ And now woud'st thou take from us, and give it to them ? to our enemies, to the church ? Then they wou'd soon
be high-church indeed ! and our legion sent into the herd of swine ! we shou'd not stand an hour before them, if
they had zeal I
O. I did not mean, that all the papishes and high-fliers
had that to destroy themselves, to hurt others, to '
Burn the city, tho' their own houses must perish with the
rest : but only,- that the chief managers and conspirators
had that zeal. For example, country-man, suppose thee and I had now such a defign in our heads, and thought
the destruction of London so necessary to our saa/J, as that the loss of particular persons of our own side ought to
be dispens'd with, for a much greater mischief to out enemies : Do'st think we wou'd go and tell all these par ticular persons of it ? No, I'll warrant thee, some of them wou'd have a mind to fave their own houses. And our plot wpu'd soon take ain We cou'd repair our
friends losses afterwards, if we gain'd our point. And they must run a hazard as well as we. Is it not the fame case in a battle ? we must expect to lose friends. And must put some upon desperate posts' t
Now, countryman, let thee and { talk coolly. Why shbu'd it be thought strange, that we who set three na- t:yis in a flame, shdu'd scruple the bursting of one to-ix-n, for the carrying on of. the fame cause? we who sought aid of the French king agaiftst king Charles I. why Jhou'd we not join with the States of Holland against king Charles If. ' Especially considering, that there was open war then betwixt them, at that time when London was burnt. And he was our enemy, having cheated us at his restoration, to which some of Us contributed, in
what manner, and for what ends thou know'st '•,>- He
burnt oar covenant by the hands of the' common " C6 - mem
26
The REHEARS AL. '
man : and set up ipiscopacy (which that and we abjur'd) openly and above-board. We had been engag'd in se-
veral plots against him, from the day of his restoration- to that time. For which he hang'd some of us, and o-- thers fled to Holland, where they were at the time of this - war, and took service with the States. All which was fairly a declaration of war against him. And therefore,
was no treachery in us. These acted in concert with'
the council of our great ones that fat in London, from
twhom ijfud all orders ; which council receiv'd their dircifltorz- from another in Holland who sat with the States, as it. was fully prov'd at the trial of our aforefaid martyrs,.
and is express'd in these very words, the. London Ga
zette of April 30, 1666.
C. But tho' the design was both 'just and honest, as-
well in us, as in the States, being the time of •war Yet- in us, will look very barbarous to be in plot to- hum the whole city London, almost exhausted by the.
plague the year, before,- the effects of which lay heavy- upon the nation, upon London more especially, as well as- the war,,. That one would thmk there needed no new calamities to . be added to these shew us to be divested'' of s\\'iowels towards our own native country.
O. No, country-man, as have vindicated the justice .
of our undertaking, se will engage to shew, that this was the most merciful method we cou'd have taken. For,
look ye, country-man, we had succeeded in our enter~ prize of iilling the King, and the Lord General, of seiz
ing the Tcwer, and the King's guards, as was design'd,; . which you will see in the forefaid Gazette, the conster
nation had been so great, and no body to have headed the church party and the whole town in sire about their ears, at. the fame time; that we might, without any oppofition or blood-Jhed have seized the government.
And then have strong party here, back'd with our al lies in Holland, then in war with England; what cou'd
have withstood us Then had our puss been set upi and establis/od, all at once. And had not this been with
insinitely less and destruction W the nation, than
it
a ? ;
if
of
II
!
It
it
a
:
in.
Tie REHEARSAL:
37 «ost us to set her up against King Charles I. who wou'd
not suffer us to Ao it quietly ; ana so was the cause of all
the blood and deflation that sollow'd ! And if our defign-, so well laid, had taken effect in the other parts of it, ar well as in that of burning the city, the nation had been freed from all those plots and conspiracies with which we nave vex'd it ever since, and ever must, 'till we get in to the faddle again. We had then extirpated the whole race of the Stuarts, as we resolvd at. the Rye-house, if that. had succeeded. And as. we still resolve, and are not
afraid to publish this (ame. year in prints in Faction Display 'd, Part second, wherein we
slpplaud the jusl and more approiid defign,
Of quite exploding that
Line.
Which if we had done at thefire of London, there had1
detested
been no revolution in 1688, nor any wars succeeding upon that, which has cost the nation so much //Wand
All this had been fav'd. And wou'd not the sre os London have been cheap bargain for all this
struction of the church; who would never set fire on
their own temples. The papists had no foreign power ready to have fav'd their small numbers in England from an univerfal massacre, the least umbrage of this had appear against them. If the like had appear against them, as was provd upon our martyrs, and consess'd by them, we had been upon the bones of every one of them in the nation. The sword ofjustice sh'ou'd have had no trouble with them. And no papist after that, wou'd ever have been permitted, our laws, to live in Eng land. Therefore since all the probability and proof lies
against us, think we had best leave off charging o-- thers with and e'en suppose was done by chance.
O. Chance/ how can that be When was detected, • prov'J, and confess'd four months before, and the very
day nam'd on which was done.
C. Then we have rais'd a devil I'm afraid will pass
«ur sitill to lay. Of which at another opportunity. . ,
treasure.
C. It plain that no other interest but ours cou'd be serv'd the burning of London. was to the de
From
. "
*
it
it
if a
?
W, I ,
'd
by is
it
It 'd
by
?
it,
,
38
The
REHEARSAL;
From &flt. Sept. 9, to &at. Sept. 16, 1704. N°
The Observator's treatment of two great- Persons. And bis
Of tie Thanksgiving Day. Cathedral Service. arraigning of the Government.
OÆ. TT THERE wast thou, country -man,
on Thursday ?
YV
Coun. What ? the Thanksgiving-Day ?
O. Ay, ay, the Scw-day ! Did'st thou see it ?
sennight, the 7th of this instant
Twas ' a. sad day for us, to see the queen and the court ride so
triumphantly to Poults (our old stable) for a church vic tory. We had no such superstitious doings in the last reign. Our glorious K. William never set his foot with
in that cathedral as they call it. He had a chapel of his own. Why such respect to cathedrals ! 'tis a popish invention. Old picked beard us'd to ride after this man ner, to this fame Pouts, to give thanks on solemn occa sions, as for the birth of his son Pius, &c And why to
Pouss ? because, forsooth, there is the bishop his cathe dral or throne: And they come thither to pay their ho mage to him, as the head and centre of unity in his own
And therefore his throne is set highest above them all. Even above my Lord Mayor. Is not all this •
rank popery ?
C. Rank! rank! master. Therefore in our reforma-
tion we turn'd 'em all out of that fame Pouss, their bi
shops and king, and aU together. And gave it to our horses. It made a brave large stable for our red-coat-
saints. And we hope to see it so again. We de/Pd their high-places for 'em, their house of Baal, and made
it a draught-house, O that we cou'd fay, even unto this day ! But it is a coming again. And' not far off, master. ^ For is it not an high-church ? and we have sworn to pull down the high-church. And have got the low-church on our-Æde ; who will let us tread upon them, / like seas
folding,
Diocese.
.
The REHEARSAL.
29
folding, to climb up to the top of the high-church, and ride upon the ridge of it. Then, Hey boys, up go wt — O. But did'st thou go into Paul's on the thanisgiving-
day, and hear the sermon ?
C. I wou'd have been content to have heard the ser
mon. O, I love sermons fiom morning to night. But I hate them prayers. And their vile finging.
O. Vile finging, do'st fay ? why they fing with great art, and have the best masters.
C. Ay, that's it. We allow of finging , but are only against finging well. For that is not spiritual, can the spirit be taught by art? art is human invention.
O. And are not the tunes of our finging psalms of hu man invention, and to be learn'd by art ?
C. But they are hot so mufical as the cathedral finging. And so have less of art. And you know, the
less of art in spiritual matters, the better. I cannot un derstand these cathedral tunes. And we are com manded to fing with understanding, as well as pray with iU
0. But they understand their own singing.
And seme of us don't understand ours. How oft have you heard uS out of tune, and creaking like cart-wheels ?
C. But finging with understanding, is not so much un
derstanding
the tune (tho' without that there will be
wretched finging) as that we understand the sense of
what we fing. And consequently1 that our psalms be in
0. So far, so good. Thou'rt in the right, country man. This is directly against the papishes praying in. an unknown tongue. For that cannot be with understand
a language we understand.
But remember, country-man, that thou must pros
ing.
With the spirit, as well as with understanding.
C. Pray, master, what is that praying with the spirit?
0. That is, extempore, for yor«! i of prayer do ,/? z*/ the
spirit.
C. That is, the spirit of invention. But is there not
a jjtfrir of devotion that may go along with set-forms, as
4n . repeating the Lvrtss-prayer, &c ? And invention do's disturb
4<t
TKe REHEARSAL,
disturb devotion. Therefore better lay aside inventtojt 5ik the time of prayer.
O. Country-man, thou warfjl at every turn. I'm a- fraid of thee.
C. Are we not to fing with the spirit, as well as fray with the spirit ? are they not both in the fame text? i Cor. xiv. 15. Then if by spirit be meant ex-
tempore, we must fing extempore psalms, and to ex
tempore
spirit of devotion which is here meant, and not the spirit
tunes. Therefore I'm afraid, that it is the
of extempore effufions, or ready invention, and turning of words, which is gain'd by art and custom, as we fee
even in school-boys. And that forms of prayer are no more an hindrance to devotion, than a form of psalms, and set tunes. But rather a great furtherance and
to devotion, in easing thespeaker from the labour of /»- vent ion, and the hearers of expe ctance and curiofity of" what comes next which is a. set-form to without the security of proper matter and words. So that all the fÆe/Vf left to hearers of any fort, is only this, whe-- ther they wou'd have a. form offound words, which
they know beforehand to be such, as The Lord" s-praya\ &c. or a as to them, whatever it be in the speaker, wherein there is great hazard, and frequent experience,
fact
O. Here's my country-man turn'd an errant churchman upon my hands ! and now he wou'd teach' me ! Come, since thou'rt grown book-learn'd, what think'st thou of that Teddum they fing at. thanksgivings ? Is'nt that popery ? that ever. I shou'd see my Queen go to
PouVs, to sing Tediums !
C. Master, thou'rt a dunce. It is Te D'eum. A very. ,
of both words and matter very undigested, unseemly, and even unsound? That is, whether they wou'd have a goad form, or a badonsi since form it must'be. As, whe
ther they shou'd fing well, or ill will have.
?
finging they,
good -hymn in English, tho' it be popery in Latin.
O. Nay, if we're come to Latin too — I'll tell theefl
we call'd it Teddum at the private academy, where I was Jbalf-bred SX Stepney,, . ' . Jl^i-
high-
The REHEARSAL.
4* "Besides, this going to PouPs is call'd a procestion.
"Which is a plain popish word ; and carefully avoided by all us faints. It is the very mark of the beast, O popery. ' popery! we may see whither we are a going.
Didst thou never hear of the
? care not what are. But I'll tell thee
C. I
I din'd that
thanksgiving. I got in at t>r—rs Hall. And there
day.
I lik'd that the best
part
of the . I
popish-procestions
they where
met with a great disappointment. For I expected, after dinner, the healths usual on these As
first I
and then my Lord Duke of Marlborough, again and a- gain, then Sir George Rook, with their further good suc
wou'd be the Queens, the thought then Prince,
cess, by land and sea, Sec. till I should have got my
Jkinfull of good claret,
better than the October at which
great solemnities.
tIhou and I us'd to swill. But master, dee'l a bit cou'd
one There was not one of their healths, nor
get drop.
any notice taken at all of the victory. Was not that
strange ? mnster.
O. No. Not at all. Thou know'st we have many
friends in that company. And it was so with several others. Do'st think we're mad? to be sounding out the praises of a church-man, except a little for popularity,
when we cannot help it. Many of the chief of our nvhigs had no illuminations that night.
C. Ay, master, and he's a high-church-man too. Is'nt his name Church-hill t And is'nt a church upon a hill a high-church ?
O. I have been upon the bones ofsome-body, and his wise too, as well as Sir George Rook, and all the rest of the church ministry, ever since this reign.
C. That thou hast, master, and bravely, even since their late victories both by land and sea. We have made a dog of Rook, and nam'd him plainly, in our Ob- servators, Views, Re-views, Mercuries, and all the rest
of our scandalous club ; we have done it more since his taking of Gibraltar than before, lest he shou'd get any reputation by and so get above our malice, as another
seems to have done. But he's mistaken he think so. For
if
it,
4a The REHEARS At. .
For tho' we cannot name him downright, at present ; yet^ we can point — and our friends know what we mean. Thou told'st us a pretty slory, in thy ObJ'ervator of last Sept. 2. The day of the fire of London. I'll rehearse
some of it. . Thus faid'st thou I me Some are so has
dare
tily and highly promoted, that assure thee rather
of their fall than of their lives, and firm standing. We have already seen many, at whose promotion we wonder'd,- and as much marvelled at their sudden fall. We have
seen Cincius Fulvius in one year made consul, his children tribunes, his wife matron to the virgins, and alfa, keepress of the Capitol ; and after that, not in one year i but the fame day, we have seen Cincius. beheaded in the
place, his children drowned in the Tyber, his wife ba nish' his house rased to the ground, and alihis goods conr
takes but one fingle person into hit bosom
he takes a large family into his court
of a prince that goes in leading-strings
of a crafty knave, deserves no better title than a tool, in government. He's a meer trisle, a gew-gaw, H.
pageant sovereignty -^-He's a prince in a nursery, and
tnust demean himself according to the prescription his keeper. And to conclude the character of the favourite you mean, you turn him to woman, and call him ve- nefica a witch. And then pass sentence of depofition upon the prince for employing of such- And call him
that honest trusselol Canterbury who. virTUTE OFFICII,
pronomcedsentence
depofition against him, H. John, for his. - favou-.
to :
fiscate to the common treasury. And all this, mafi. cr, the* faid'st since the great news of the viStory,
But before vissfine clad*itictof,,3,%f\ riding in triumph- only over his queen. Cincius w'as then no soldier at all. And thou faid'st last January, Vol. II. N. 82. Since those times we have seen honour and wealth conferred on soldiers and no soldiers; and such as have done the least service the common-wealth, have reaped the greatest advantage-
from the publick. And, as said before, no men are more
dangerous to a state, than favourite men mate a monopoly royal favour
war — who-
A prince doing that, The great boy
but
under the guidance
of
of
of
aI
;
of
of by
. •
it
s,;
'd,
THe REHEARSAL.
4^
favourites-. And speak particularly of those whom the
prince raises from a meanfortune. This is thy grievance. And thou know'st some or other in England, who, by
i/irtue of their office, may depose the King , for having such a favourite. And call'st him an honest sellow, who for this fhou'd depose his King.
Rare doctrine
themfelves, except they please thee and me, master !
! Let look to
master. favourites
Ay,
and their master too. We'll serve 'em all alike !
O, 'tis
a brave thing, to be pulling down, andsetting up Kings !
To make them and their favourites tremble under us ! But I've heard fay, master, That it was never known In the world, that no history can give an instance, where
fauch a saucy varies as my master was sufFer'd to arraign the government, to lampoon, bespatter and. abuse the whole ministry; with threats of deposttion even to the
crown. And that publickly and in print, to go out twici
a aveek as news; wherein the parliament, council, bi shops, judges, and all inserior officers, with generals, ad mirals, Sec. are put into your list of knaves. And that
while you are under the prosecution of the lavj, for writ
ing these fame Observators. But you still write on, en-
crease in your insolence, and fay, that none dare toucli
you
Will this be belicv'd in other countries, or in after-
!
eges ! what a notion will it give them of our constitution ! which cannot afford proteclion to the government from
die meanest scoundrel I while he sets up his liberty and property, to attack the government, and all that are in potoer, openly, and above board ! and can carry it oft,
The following Advertisement was sent to me by penny - post. From whom I know not. Put it in, master, and
we'll talk more of this another time.
'pHERE will— be a book, which shortly publish'd may
be intitled Traps for Vermin in the State : Be ing a discourse on slander and sedition, suggesting fair and proper remedies against the present prevailing di stemper of the government, by the pernicious licence
withflyingcolours t
The REHEARSAL'
of;calumnies, libels, and the like malicious
contriv'd and propagated by guilty and ambitious knaves, to deceive and impose on the credulity of in nocent and easy fools, publish'd and spread by such- im
plements of iniquity, z%Obsewators, and other the like scurrilous and Grub-fireet writers, who by venomous
pamphlets insect the unwary people, audaciously attack ing the government in every part of the administra-> tion, defaming ministers and officers in highest trust la
the state, army, navy, £sfc. on which argument it will be shewn out of history, and from our own and others the best authorities, the mischiess incident to the pub- lick, by not timely animadverting on such ofsences. Reserence also will be had to such laws as the Romans and other wise and polite nations provided against such- offenders, according to the nature and' quality of the crime and the criminal, punishing by death, banishment, sine, imprisonment, mutilation, stigmatizing, &c. To,
which will be added a moral admonition to those whom- it may concern (leaving it to their consciences respec
tively to reflect at whose door the guilt will chiefly lie, if by their cowardice or connivance, cif c. the laws being struck dumb, and the executive power thereby made impotent, whereby such wretches act their villanies with impunity) if persons of honour and spirit shall by such fatal neglect become driven (as the last remedy) to carve out their own justice, and redress themselves oa such barking mungrels who are suborn'd and kept in pay to worry their reputation in so vile a manner. The conclusion of which discourse shall contain the character of a state hypocrite, wherein such men must be content to sit for their pictures, who shall be found at any time- in any government under the mask of patriots, to cover most guilty projects against the peace and stability of the
4*
forgeries
their methods, aims, and ends; With an Ephemeris or prognostick of the several kinds
©f weather in the state, which such practices may pro duce respectively. To be sold by the booksellers of London and Wejlminster.
government, explaining
The REHEARSAL:
From &at. Sept. 16 to J&at. Sept. 23, 1 704. N° 8.
The Observator's present treatment of the lord duke os'Marl- borough. Os Sir George Rook. And os the lord high admiral, the design os deflraying the credit os the London Gazette, and all papers publish'd by authority.
\J
Coun. /^\ Thou dog in a doublet ! my oaken-towel itches
to be at thee. I shall not leave a whole bone in thy/kin, ifthou acquit not thy self to my fatisfaction.
O. Dear country-man be patient. Thou frights me out of my little units. Thou look'st as fierce as an
lion. What is the matter ?
C. Matter! is the devil in thee ? Thou'It make us odi ous and detested to all the nation. Can'st thou not leave
off abufing the duke of Marlborough in every one of thy Observators, since his late glorious victory f Have I not told thee of this over and over ? and all cannot cure thy rancor.
0. Why ! hast not thou rancor as well as me ?
C. Rancor! I cou'd eat him without/s//. And so wou'd we all. But I am not such an errant dunce, a booby,
a bays, to spoil all my own plots, and let every body know what we mean.
In thine of last Aug. 23. Vol. 3. No. 44. thou mad'st both him and his dutches to be Jacohites, that that we thought them so. Which (fay you) lessen them both in the esteem many honest people. Meaning our selves. And
giv'st this as an excuse for all the vile things thou had'st laid of them both before.
They examine not what told them, but from whom comes* We cannot invent any thing they will not
believe. Nor the churchmen prove any thing by ten thousand- demonstrations, and facts as clear as tha fun, which they will believe. And the more they prove, you must believe the less. La ye," countryman, be sure
there's some trick in'r, when they come to proving.
C. " I'll ^varrant ye, master, they shall ne'er catch me
believing ot not believing, but as serves the cause.
O. Without this qualisication, no body can serve it^
Therefore, countryman, we go on, and still keep up the cry of the sire of London. No longer ago than last
week, we publiih'd book intitul'd, 'The Protestant Je- ' suiteUnmast/d, where, 43. we bring in the Lauditci
gun
and High-flyers, (with Englishisz. es, and Romish hearts) as concern'd in the popisk-plot: And add, might men
tion the fire London and that these taken on that Recount, were generally favour and dismiss without-
. being brought to Trial. This, with the inscription which • . oar dear Sir Patience Ward put upon the monument, in
'
d
of
a.
it,
p. ;
is
by
/ 'd,
a
?
'
it
it
it •
a
!
!
it, a
34
The REHEARSAL.
his mayoralty, in the time of the popish-plot ; and re- new'd in the mayoralty of our Right trusty Sir Thomas Pilkington, in the last reign, when we were trump, is a full and absolute proof.
C. Enough! enough! we have enough! it is' as plain as a pike-staff. It was the Laudites and High-church that £«r«/ London. And those who suffer'd for it were martyrs. And shall be put in red-letters, in Our next year's calendar of Partridge's Almanack, where w- colourd saints are inlisted, the martyrs of Legion.
O. When thou'rt in a coffee-house or so, fay; Did not the Dissenters and Whigs in London sufser as much by the jSw , in their proportion, as other ? And who can
think they wou'd . 'be so , mad as to bum their own
bouses ?
C. May. not the fame be faid of the church -men, and
the very papists, who suffer' d too in their proportion t 0-\ Thou'rt a very troublesome sellow. Never waa Bays so tormented. Thou spoil'st all my //d/i-. I'll talk
H9? more with thee, ifthou be asking questions.
But what proportion had the Papishes in London to us ?
There I have thee 'again.
C. But the church-men had a greater proportion, than
both of us put together. Therefore this will clear them more than us. Besides, a man's all is his all. And though it be less than another man's, yet it is as much to him. Wou'd a man set fire to his own house to bum his neighbours, tho' it were a higger house than his?
O. Am I bound to answer all thy silly questions? But the km/ of the papishes and high-flyers is such, that they would '. destroy themselves, to destroy others : any thing for old mother church. ,
C. And have. not we steal as well as, they? Wou'd not we do as much for our puss, as they for their church? . And have we not done it ? For de-throning and murder ing of kings, and silling nations with blood and destruc
tion ; we'll compare (for our time, and in our proportion) with Mahomet himself, or any popish and high-flier of '«m all.
3>id'nft
The REHEARSAL:
35
Did'nsl thou recommend zeal to me, as the chief en gine to curry on the cause ; and which wou'd prevail all the lew and reason on the church's side, and run
down? Such an implicit and blind zeal, as nei ther to believe, hear, nor y«, but as I'm iiV/ And now woud'st thou take from us, and give it to them ? to our enemies, to the church ? Then they wou'd soon
be high-church indeed ! and our legion sent into the herd of swine ! we shou'd not stand an hour before them, if
they had zeal I
O. I did not mean, that all the papishes and high-fliers
had that to destroy themselves, to hurt others, to '
Burn the city, tho' their own houses must perish with the
rest : but only,- that the chief managers and conspirators
had that zeal. For example, country-man, suppose thee and I had now such a defign in our heads, and thought
the destruction of London so necessary to our saa/J, as that the loss of particular persons of our own side ought to
be dispens'd with, for a much greater mischief to out enemies : Do'st think we wou'd go and tell all these par ticular persons of it ? No, I'll warrant thee, some of them wou'd have a mind to fave their own houses. And our plot wpu'd soon take ain We cou'd repair our
friends losses afterwards, if we gain'd our point. And they must run a hazard as well as we. Is it not the fame case in a battle ? we must expect to lose friends. And must put some upon desperate posts' t
Now, countryman, let thee and { talk coolly. Why shbu'd it be thought strange, that we who set three na- t:yis in a flame, shdu'd scruple the bursting of one to-ix-n, for the carrying on of. the fame cause? we who sought aid of the French king agaiftst king Charles I. why Jhou'd we not join with the States of Holland against king Charles If. ' Especially considering, that there was open war then betwixt them, at that time when London was burnt. And he was our enemy, having cheated us at his restoration, to which some of Us contributed, in
what manner, and for what ends thou know'st '•,>- He
burnt oar covenant by the hands of the' common " C6 - mem
26
The REHEARS AL. '
man : and set up ipiscopacy (which that and we abjur'd) openly and above-board. We had been engag'd in se-
veral plots against him, from the day of his restoration- to that time. For which he hang'd some of us, and o-- thers fled to Holland, where they were at the time of this - war, and took service with the States. All which was fairly a declaration of war against him. And therefore,
was no treachery in us. These acted in concert with'
the council of our great ones that fat in London, from
twhom ijfud all orders ; which council receiv'd their dircifltorz- from another in Holland who sat with the States, as it. was fully prov'd at the trial of our aforefaid martyrs,.
and is express'd in these very words, the. London Ga
zette of April 30, 1666.
C. But tho' the design was both 'just and honest, as-
well in us, as in the States, being the time of •war Yet- in us, will look very barbarous to be in plot to- hum the whole city London, almost exhausted by the.
plague the year, before,- the effects of which lay heavy- upon the nation, upon London more especially, as well as- the war,,. That one would thmk there needed no new calamities to . be added to these shew us to be divested'' of s\\'iowels towards our own native country.
O. No, country-man, as have vindicated the justice .
of our undertaking, se will engage to shew, that this was the most merciful method we cou'd have taken. For,
look ye, country-man, we had succeeded in our enter~ prize of iilling the King, and the Lord General, of seiz
ing the Tcwer, and the King's guards, as was design'd,; . which you will see in the forefaid Gazette, the conster
nation had been so great, and no body to have headed the church party and the whole town in sire about their ears, at. the fame time; that we might, without any oppofition or blood-Jhed have seized the government.
And then have strong party here, back'd with our al lies in Holland, then in war with England; what cou'd
have withstood us Then had our puss been set upi and establis/od, all at once. And had not this been with
insinitely less and destruction W the nation, than
it
a ? ;
if
of
II
!
It
it
a
:
in.
Tie REHEARSAL:
37 «ost us to set her up against King Charles I. who wou'd
not suffer us to Ao it quietly ; ana so was the cause of all
the blood and deflation that sollow'd ! And if our defign-, so well laid, had taken effect in the other parts of it, ar well as in that of burning the city, the nation had been freed from all those plots and conspiracies with which we nave vex'd it ever since, and ever must, 'till we get in to the faddle again. We had then extirpated the whole race of the Stuarts, as we resolvd at. the Rye-house, if that. had succeeded. And as. we still resolve, and are not
afraid to publish this (ame. year in prints in Faction Display 'd, Part second, wherein we
slpplaud the jusl and more approiid defign,
Of quite exploding that
Line.
Which if we had done at thefire of London, there had1
detested
been no revolution in 1688, nor any wars succeeding upon that, which has cost the nation so much //Wand
All this had been fav'd. And wou'd not the sre os London have been cheap bargain for all this
struction of the church; who would never set fire on
their own temples. The papists had no foreign power ready to have fav'd their small numbers in England from an univerfal massacre, the least umbrage of this had appear against them. If the like had appear against them, as was provd upon our martyrs, and consess'd by them, we had been upon the bones of every one of them in the nation. The sword ofjustice sh'ou'd have had no trouble with them. And no papist after that, wou'd ever have been permitted, our laws, to live in Eng land. Therefore since all the probability and proof lies
against us, think we had best leave off charging o-- thers with and e'en suppose was done by chance.
O. Chance/ how can that be When was detected, • prov'J, and confess'd four months before, and the very
day nam'd on which was done.
C. Then we have rais'd a devil I'm afraid will pass
«ur sitill to lay. Of which at another opportunity. . ,
treasure.
C. It plain that no other interest but ours cou'd be serv'd the burning of London. was to the de
From
. "
*
it
it
if a
?
W, I ,
'd
by is
it
It 'd
by
?
it,
,
38
The
REHEARSAL;
From &flt. Sept. 9, to &at. Sept. 16, 1704. N°
The Observator's treatment of two great- Persons. And bis
Of tie Thanksgiving Day. Cathedral Service. arraigning of the Government.
OÆ. TT THERE wast thou, country -man,
on Thursday ?
YV
Coun. What ? the Thanksgiving-Day ?
O. Ay, ay, the Scw-day ! Did'st thou see it ?
sennight, the 7th of this instant
Twas ' a. sad day for us, to see the queen and the court ride so
triumphantly to Poults (our old stable) for a church vic tory. We had no such superstitious doings in the last reign. Our glorious K. William never set his foot with
in that cathedral as they call it. He had a chapel of his own. Why such respect to cathedrals ! 'tis a popish invention. Old picked beard us'd to ride after this man ner, to this fame Pouts, to give thanks on solemn occa sions, as for the birth of his son Pius, &c And why to
Pouss ? because, forsooth, there is the bishop his cathe dral or throne: And they come thither to pay their ho mage to him, as the head and centre of unity in his own
And therefore his throne is set highest above them all. Even above my Lord Mayor. Is not all this •
rank popery ?
C. Rank! rank! master. Therefore in our reforma-
tion we turn'd 'em all out of that fame Pouss, their bi
shops and king, and aU together. And gave it to our horses. It made a brave large stable for our red-coat-
saints. And we hope to see it so again. We de/Pd their high-places for 'em, their house of Baal, and made
it a draught-house, O that we cou'd fay, even unto this day ! But it is a coming again. And' not far off, master. ^ For is it not an high-church ? and we have sworn to pull down the high-church. And have got the low-church on our-Æde ; who will let us tread upon them, / like seas
folding,
Diocese.
.
The REHEARSAL.
29
folding, to climb up to the top of the high-church, and ride upon the ridge of it. Then, Hey boys, up go wt — O. But did'st thou go into Paul's on the thanisgiving-
day, and hear the sermon ?
C. I wou'd have been content to have heard the ser
mon. O, I love sermons fiom morning to night. But I hate them prayers. And their vile finging.
O. Vile finging, do'st fay ? why they fing with great art, and have the best masters.
C. Ay, that's it. We allow of finging , but are only against finging well. For that is not spiritual, can the spirit be taught by art? art is human invention.
O. And are not the tunes of our finging psalms of hu man invention, and to be learn'd by art ?
C. But they are hot so mufical as the cathedral finging. And so have less of art. And you know, the
less of art in spiritual matters, the better. I cannot un derstand these cathedral tunes. And we are com manded to fing with understanding, as well as pray with iU
0. But they understand their own singing.
And seme of us don't understand ours. How oft have you heard uS out of tune, and creaking like cart-wheels ?
C. But finging with understanding, is not so much un
derstanding
the tune (tho' without that there will be
wretched finging) as that we understand the sense of
what we fing. And consequently1 that our psalms be in
0. So far, so good. Thou'rt in the right, country man. This is directly against the papishes praying in. an unknown tongue. For that cannot be with understand
a language we understand.
But remember, country-man, that thou must pros
ing.
With the spirit, as well as with understanding.
C. Pray, master, what is that praying with the spirit?
0. That is, extempore, for yor«! i of prayer do ,/? z*/ the
spirit.
C. That is, the spirit of invention. But is there not
a jjtfrir of devotion that may go along with set-forms, as
4n . repeating the Lvrtss-prayer, &c ? And invention do's disturb
4<t
TKe REHEARSAL,
disturb devotion. Therefore better lay aside inventtojt 5ik the time of prayer.
O. Country-man, thou warfjl at every turn. I'm a- fraid of thee.
C. Are we not to fing with the spirit, as well as fray with the spirit ? are they not both in the fame text? i Cor. xiv. 15. Then if by spirit be meant ex-
tempore, we must fing extempore psalms, and to ex
tempore
spirit of devotion which is here meant, and not the spirit
tunes. Therefore I'm afraid, that it is the
of extempore effufions, or ready invention, and turning of words, which is gain'd by art and custom, as we fee
even in school-boys. And that forms of prayer are no more an hindrance to devotion, than a form of psalms, and set tunes. But rather a great furtherance and
to devotion, in easing thespeaker from the labour of /»- vent ion, and the hearers of expe ctance and curiofity of" what comes next which is a. set-form to without the security of proper matter and words. So that all the fÆe/Vf left to hearers of any fort, is only this, whe-- ther they wou'd have a. form offound words, which
they know beforehand to be such, as The Lord" s-praya\ &c. or a as to them, whatever it be in the speaker, wherein there is great hazard, and frequent experience,
fact
O. Here's my country-man turn'd an errant churchman upon my hands ! and now he wou'd teach' me ! Come, since thou'rt grown book-learn'd, what think'st thou of that Teddum they fing at. thanksgivings ? Is'nt that popery ? that ever. I shou'd see my Queen go to
PouVs, to sing Tediums !
C. Master, thou'rt a dunce. It is Te D'eum. A very. ,
of both words and matter very undigested, unseemly, and even unsound? That is, whether they wou'd have a goad form, or a badonsi since form it must'be. As, whe
ther they shou'd fing well, or ill will have.
?
finging they,
good -hymn in English, tho' it be popery in Latin.
O. Nay, if we're come to Latin too — I'll tell theefl
we call'd it Teddum at the private academy, where I was Jbalf-bred SX Stepney,, . ' . Jl^i-
high-
The REHEARSAL.
4* "Besides, this going to PouPs is call'd a procestion.
"Which is a plain popish word ; and carefully avoided by all us faints. It is the very mark of the beast, O popery. ' popery! we may see whither we are a going.
Didst thou never hear of the
? care not what are. But I'll tell thee
C. I
I din'd that
thanksgiving. I got in at t>r—rs Hall. And there
day.
I lik'd that the best
part
of the . I
popish-procestions
they where
met with a great disappointment. For I expected, after dinner, the healths usual on these As
first I
and then my Lord Duke of Marlborough, again and a- gain, then Sir George Rook, with their further good suc
wou'd be the Queens, the thought then Prince,
cess, by land and sea, Sec. till I should have got my
Jkinfull of good claret,
better than the October at which
great solemnities.
tIhou and I us'd to swill. But master, dee'l a bit cou'd
one There was not one of their healths, nor
get drop.
any notice taken at all of the victory. Was not that
strange ? mnster.
O. No. Not at all. Thou know'st we have many
friends in that company. And it was so with several others. Do'st think we're mad? to be sounding out the praises of a church-man, except a little for popularity,
when we cannot help it. Many of the chief of our nvhigs had no illuminations that night.
C. Ay, master, and he's a high-church-man too. Is'nt his name Church-hill t And is'nt a church upon a hill a high-church ?
O. I have been upon the bones ofsome-body, and his wise too, as well as Sir George Rook, and all the rest of the church ministry, ever since this reign.
C. That thou hast, master, and bravely, even since their late victories both by land and sea. We have made a dog of Rook, and nam'd him plainly, in our Ob- servators, Views, Re-views, Mercuries, and all the rest
of our scandalous club ; we have done it more since his taking of Gibraltar than before, lest he shou'd get any reputation by and so get above our malice, as another
seems to have done. But he's mistaken he think so. For
if
it,
4a The REHEARS At. .
For tho' we cannot name him downright, at present ; yet^ we can point — and our friends know what we mean. Thou told'st us a pretty slory, in thy ObJ'ervator of last Sept. 2. The day of the fire of London. I'll rehearse
some of it. . Thus faid'st thou I me Some are so has
dare
tily and highly promoted, that assure thee rather
of their fall than of their lives, and firm standing. We have already seen many, at whose promotion we wonder'd,- and as much marvelled at their sudden fall. We have
seen Cincius Fulvius in one year made consul, his children tribunes, his wife matron to the virgins, and alfa, keepress of the Capitol ; and after that, not in one year i but the fame day, we have seen Cincius. beheaded in the
place, his children drowned in the Tyber, his wife ba nish' his house rased to the ground, and alihis goods conr
takes but one fingle person into hit bosom
he takes a large family into his court
of a prince that goes in leading-strings
of a crafty knave, deserves no better title than a tool, in government. He's a meer trisle, a gew-gaw, H.
pageant sovereignty -^-He's a prince in a nursery, and
tnust demean himself according to the prescription his keeper. And to conclude the character of the favourite you mean, you turn him to woman, and call him ve- nefica a witch. And then pass sentence of depofition upon the prince for employing of such- And call him
that honest trusselol Canterbury who. virTUTE OFFICII,
pronomcedsentence
depofition against him, H. John, for his. - favou-.
to :
fiscate to the common treasury. And all this, mafi. cr, the* faid'st since the great news of the viStory,
But before vissfine clad*itictof,,3,%f\ riding in triumph- only over his queen. Cincius w'as then no soldier at all. And thou faid'st last January, Vol. II. N. 82. Since those times we have seen honour and wealth conferred on soldiers and no soldiers; and such as have done the least service the common-wealth, have reaped the greatest advantage-
from the publick. And, as said before, no men are more
dangerous to a state, than favourite men mate a monopoly royal favour
war — who-
A prince doing that, The great boy
but
under the guidance
of
of
of
aI
;
of
of by
. •
it
s,;
'd,
THe REHEARSAL.
4^
favourites-. And speak particularly of those whom the
prince raises from a meanfortune. This is thy grievance. And thou know'st some or other in England, who, by
i/irtue of their office, may depose the King , for having such a favourite. And call'st him an honest sellow, who for this fhou'd depose his King.
Rare doctrine
themfelves, except they please thee and me, master !
! Let look to
master. favourites
Ay,
and their master too. We'll serve 'em all alike !
O, 'tis
a brave thing, to be pulling down, andsetting up Kings !
To make them and their favourites tremble under us ! But I've heard fay, master, That it was never known In the world, that no history can give an instance, where
fauch a saucy varies as my master was sufFer'd to arraign the government, to lampoon, bespatter and. abuse the whole ministry; with threats of deposttion even to the
crown. And that publickly and in print, to go out twici
a aveek as news; wherein the parliament, council, bi shops, judges, and all inserior officers, with generals, ad mirals, Sec. are put into your list of knaves. And that
while you are under the prosecution of the lavj, for writ
ing these fame Observators. But you still write on, en-
crease in your insolence, and fay, that none dare toucli
you
Will this be belicv'd in other countries, or in after-
!
eges ! what a notion will it give them of our constitution ! which cannot afford proteclion to the government from
die meanest scoundrel I while he sets up his liberty and property, to attack the government, and all that are in potoer, openly, and above board ! and can carry it oft,
The following Advertisement was sent to me by penny - post. From whom I know not. Put it in, master, and
we'll talk more of this another time.
'pHERE will— be a book, which shortly publish'd may
be intitled Traps for Vermin in the State : Be ing a discourse on slander and sedition, suggesting fair and proper remedies against the present prevailing di stemper of the government, by the pernicious licence
withflyingcolours t
The REHEARSAL'
of;calumnies, libels, and the like malicious
contriv'd and propagated by guilty and ambitious knaves, to deceive and impose on the credulity of in nocent and easy fools, publish'd and spread by such- im
plements of iniquity, z%Obsewators, and other the like scurrilous and Grub-fireet writers, who by venomous
pamphlets insect the unwary people, audaciously attack ing the government in every part of the administra-> tion, defaming ministers and officers in highest trust la
the state, army, navy, £sfc. on which argument it will be shewn out of history, and from our own and others the best authorities, the mischiess incident to the pub- lick, by not timely animadverting on such ofsences. Reserence also will be had to such laws as the Romans and other wise and polite nations provided against such- offenders, according to the nature and' quality of the crime and the criminal, punishing by death, banishment, sine, imprisonment, mutilation, stigmatizing, &c. To,
which will be added a moral admonition to those whom- it may concern (leaving it to their consciences respec
tively to reflect at whose door the guilt will chiefly lie, if by their cowardice or connivance, cif c. the laws being struck dumb, and the executive power thereby made impotent, whereby such wretches act their villanies with impunity) if persons of honour and spirit shall by such fatal neglect become driven (as the last remedy) to carve out their own justice, and redress themselves oa such barking mungrels who are suborn'd and kept in pay to worry their reputation in so vile a manner. The conclusion of which discourse shall contain the character of a state hypocrite, wherein such men must be content to sit for their pictures, who shall be found at any time- in any government under the mask of patriots, to cover most guilty projects against the peace and stability of the
4*
forgeries
their methods, aims, and ends; With an Ephemeris or prognostick of the several kinds
©f weather in the state, which such practices may pro duce respectively. To be sold by the booksellers of London and Wejlminster.
government, explaining
The REHEARSAL:
From &at. Sept. 16 to J&at. Sept. 23, 1 704. N° 8.
The Observator's present treatment of the lord duke os'Marl- borough. Os Sir George Rook. And os the lord high admiral, the design os deflraying the credit os the London Gazette, and all papers publish'd by authority.
\J
Coun. /^\ Thou dog in a doublet ! my oaken-towel itches
to be at thee. I shall not leave a whole bone in thy/kin, ifthou acquit not thy self to my fatisfaction.
O. Dear country-man be patient. Thou frights me out of my little units. Thou look'st as fierce as an
lion. What is the matter ?
C. Matter! is the devil in thee ? Thou'It make us odi ous and detested to all the nation. Can'st thou not leave
off abufing the duke of Marlborough in every one of thy Observators, since his late glorious victory f Have I not told thee of this over and over ? and all cannot cure thy rancor.
0. Why ! hast not thou rancor as well as me ?
C. Rancor! I cou'd eat him without/s//. And so wou'd we all. But I am not such an errant dunce, a booby,
a bays, to spoil all my own plots, and let every body know what we mean.
In thine of last Aug. 23. Vol. 3. No. 44. thou mad'st both him and his dutches to be Jacohites, that that we thought them so. Which (fay you) lessen them both in the esteem many honest people. Meaning our selves. And
giv'st this as an excuse for all the vile things thou had'st laid of them both before.
